Whispers

Studying a soul:

Tasting flesh

Listen intently to soundtracks of your core beliefs

Falling into the traps of your coping mechanisms

My intense stare penetrating your invisible field

Archetypes slithering behind your eyes

Loving your particular set of lies

Feeling softer and softer in your gaze

Blending auras and desires

Trying on new mannerisms

Silhouetted in your syntax

Depths of reflection, activating the mirror

Monopoles rearrange my personality crystal

The dust of your essence sinking in,

Your light, your orb, glittering my inner world

And our souls once studied shift again and again

Unveiling beautiful, tragic new mystery

---

I met you in exhalation,

Everything was still, nobody around

Inspecting scratches while stumbling forth

among abandoned gods and gardens

All my love’s been satire

Holding this binary desire, caged

Implacable devotion not alchemized - seized in hallucinations

in ethers of terror/divine

Your storm rolls in, transmitting warnings

Beauty-frightening

Wanna just bend the rules

Break breath

Live for crackling embers

Yet the elements dissipate

Above, below,

Dwindling to silence

Inescapable

Holy neglect

---

When the grief ends

Memories fold into tight origami

Feather-weight, tuckered blank spaces

A new page, delicate and devoid of meaning

Or feeling

Or ink which spilt hot blooded words

This colorless trinket of our time

Shown in periphery, unexpected

Met with dismissive sigh to stay neglected

Folded neatly in its place on the bookshelf

---

Face myself

Face the shadows that look like your face kissing me

And mine turning in disgust

Your push-pull avoidance

My escape habit

Daydream lust

Typing twenty messages, unsent

Picking all the wrong battles

While you stopped fighting long ago

I’m at war with it all

The whole goddamn world

Looking for heaven in strangers

Finding myself in the black

Hurrying down the steps of hell

To be bathed in dark truths

And rise like venus the morning star

Breaking more and more

To make the pieces fit

Fuck the pieces

They don’t matter anymore

Under the universe, crushing beauty

Filled with devastating supernovas

This heart explodes again and again

While shadow and light kiss endlessly

---

Whispers

Flash fic

Something in me whispered run. A whisper that woke me from my sleep making my heart pound painfully in my chest. Fear, intuition, excitement - the strange mix of pain and pleasure, a rare visitor whose presence turns you fully onto the fact that yes, you’re alive. Yes, you’re in charge of your reality.

Leave this, run, change everything.

A simple intention to listen to my intuition more made the thing feral, untamed. I broke whatever curse I was born with or into, the mask that use to choke my truth and maintain smiles through waves of disgust and unease. I hadn’t felt anything in so damn long, under this bell jar, neither heard nor seen. I had finally pressed my face up to the glass and dared to squint beyond it, to imagine what might be behind the sanitized reflection.

Alone. He slept in the guest room — we fought earlier about how I’ve been away on weekends lately, he ignored my requests to connect then resented my absence. He wanted me present in the house, even if we don’t interact. Spouses prioritize each other, keep to their corners, to their thoughts, then have mind blowing love making, is that right? I was not a spouse, I was not a person, I was not even a concept. I was simply a fixture on the right side of the bed.

A seismic rupture, tar soaked me black, heavy, stuck in thick despair. A fall into the void depressed yet blessed me. In nothingness death grows, engulfs, dissolves. Overwhelming nothing — nothing but the ending.

Venusian slumber, or shake up, or retreat - love doesn’t live here. So RUN.

.

.

.

The whisper moved my feet forward, away from comfort, patterns, and conditioning, but an ache grew alongside this new courage. The pounding of my heart wasn’t fear or excitement now, but shattering disillusionment.

Curled in the grass, under the stars, I sank into the trembling ache of change. An ache that, for a moment, stole my breath, but no longer stole my soul. This pain came with awareness. This pain was felt and realized.

No longer numb, knowing more ache and pain will surface, I ruminated on how much reality I could handle without breaking under the weight of unforgiving clarity.

That fucking ache, I use to feel it all the time until I moved away from my family and got married, married within the first year of being on my own.

That ache is being alone, and it never left, apparently, I’d expertly suppressed it stitched it silent with adamance that I was chosen. Fixated on being chosen and surrendering my power to choose. My needs, my desires, myself.

I’m the only choice left.

Liv threw open her door and hugged me tight. “Everything seemed fine last month at Jace’s birthday party.”

“A lot can happen in a month. A lot happened this past week… but… it’s the whole thing. It’s always been wrong, from the beginning. It seemed right but I didn’t know myself. I didn’t listen to my body screaming warnings at me and I got used to breadcrumbs until I couldn’t anymore, until I felt so malnourished my body just reacted for me, turned my brain off and made me run here. I know it seemed fine. I know. But it wasn’t.”

“No—I get it. I mean yeah it seemed fine, but I always felt like something was off between you two. Don’t go back. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Oh god, will it?”

It will. It’s absolutely beautiful on the other side of listening and following your soul.